I thought I knew what I was doing here, or at least I thought I knew what the Alpha Course was all about, but now I'm not so sure. You've all seen the posters, they're everywhere. For those of you who haven't, the posters read "Does God exist?" followed by three tick-boxes labelled "Yes", "No" and "Probably". This implies - to me, at least - that they're appealing to agnostics. The advertising is based around uncertainty, so I would expect the course to be somewhat structured around an attempt to show that the stories in the Bible are true, that God does exist, and that Jesus Christ is "the way, the truth and the light." But it doesn't do this. It begins with the assumption that it is true, and then goes from there, teaching you about Jesus and how you should live your life. At no point do they even attempt to convince you that it's true, they just take it as given.
OK wait, wait, I'm being unfair, they do make some effort to show that it's true. In the Bible, Jesus says - explicitly - that he's the son of God. What more proof do you need?
This should be ringing alarm bells with everybody, setting off everybody's inbuilt bullshit-detectors that God (or Nature, you decide) instilled in all of us. It's the same device that makes you say "yeah right!" when somebody tells you they've got a 12-inch... umm... something.... err... big toe (phew, just managed to save this from going into the gutter), but won't take their shoe off to show you.
Ring-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling... that's my bullshit-detector going off!
Surely, if this room is filled with agnostics, atheists and/or skeptics then their bullshit-detectors must be going off too, right? These course leaders must really be ready to deal with any question we could throw at them, right?
At the end of the main course-leader's talk about why Jesus died, everybody applauds, but I'm left completely bemused! That was not an impressive speech, it was a series of stories, allegories and anecdotes, some of which may have had some interesting meanings or messages behind them, but others simply told us that we're all unclean, immoral people who need to ask for forgiveness. Not forgiveness from the people we may have wronged, which would be understandable, but from God, who he has still not even given us any reason to believe even exists yet!
So why is everybody clapping???
The answer, when it comes, is so obvious I'm surprised I didn't think of it before. After his speech, I turn to the guy sitting next to me and we strike up a conversation. He seems like a nice, friendly guy and for the purpose of this blog we'll simply call him "Joe" because... well... that was his name. Joe asks what I do for a living (firstly asking if I'm a student - apparently I still look young enough), where I'm from, you know the kind of thing. I can't recall what he said he does, but he also tells me that he helps out a lot at the cathedral. Ahhh, now things are making sense. I ask if he's involved in running the course. Nope, he's just another attendee, like me. He just also happens to help out a lot at the cathedral and be a regular churchgoer. Interesting.
The next person I speak to introduces himself to me, another friendly guy who asks the usual questions. I ask him what brought him to the Alpha Course and he explains that he is a Christian who wants to come and learn a bit more about the faith. He introduces me to his friend, another Alpha attendee, who is also a Christian. He asks if I am a Christian and I say no, I don't identify myself as such, I'm just here to see what the course is about. I am keeping a very open mind, if they're able to give me any reason to believe it, but until then I stick to the null hypothesis.
This was when I started getting "Creep" stuck in my head. What the hell am I doing here?
When we separate into our groups, I find that some members of last week's group aren't present this week and some new members have joined the ranks. As a second ice-breaker, to expand on last week and to include the newer members, we are asked to each introduce ourselves and, this time, say why we're here for the course. It turns out that three of the attendees are actively involved in the church, two are on the Alpha course for the second time (a married couple, who took the Alpha Course a few years ago in order to be allowed to marry in church and decided to come back. They both wear cross pendants), one guy who is not actively involved but who considers himself a Christian already and wants to find out more. And then there's me.
Well, that explains the clapping.
It's during this set of introductions that I honestly and frankly state that I don't consider myself to be a believer but that religion has long fascinated me. I've never been able to understand why people believe something that I don't seem to be able to. Having seen the advertisements, I was curious to see what it was all about.
I've actually left one person out, but I've done that deliberately because she, to me, was the most interesting one. The last member of the group was a lady who said she was "giving religion a try". I won't hazard a guess at her age, but she's what I would call a more mature woman. Over 21. Her husband died recently and he was always very involved with the church, but despite that, she'd never really been a believer herself. Maybe it was the loss of her husband, maybe it's something else, but she seemed as though she had tried and tried for much of her life to believe but just couldn't make herself. The lack of anything empirical or logical left her wishing that she could find something to believe in, but based on what's available, it's just impossible for her. I think we may become friends as the course goes on.
The group discussion, led by the group leader, is staggering in it's weakness of argument. Before coming on the Alpha Course I was slightly worried that I may end up brainwashed into believing. Maybe somebody might say something that really set a thought off in my head leading to a leap of faith. These people are lifetime devotees to Christianity after all, I would expect them to have some sort of semi-believable argument or philosophy, but the vacuousness of their arguments is mind-boggling!
One woman in the group asks the question that if Jesus died for our sins - and we've all sinned - then does that mean that we are saved? What about people who have committed really bad sins, like robbers and murderers?
The group leader refers to Jesus' conversation with one of the two robbers who was crucified next to him.
And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him, saying, "If thou be Christ, save thyself and us." But the other answering rebuked him, saying, "Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss." And he said unto Jesus, "Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom." And Jesus said unto him, "Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise."
- Luke 23:39-43
What does this mean? Well apparently, according to the Alpha Course, it means that if you steal, ie. break the 8th commandment, you can still get to heaven if you recognise Jesus for who he is and ask his forgiveness. Well what about the 6th commandment, "Thou shalt not kill." Are we let off this one if we recognise Jesus as the son of God and ask his forgiveness?
It brings up obvious questions that I just have to ask: "Is there such a thing as being 'beyond salvation', where you commit crimes so bad that no amount of repenting of sin can be forgiven? What about acts of genocide? Could Hitler go to heaven if he repented at the last minute, like the thief on the cross?"
I know what you're thinking: why am I bothering with all this? Where does it get me? Nowhere! You can't expect a reasonable, logical explanation from religion, that's not what it's about. I'm banging my head against a granite wall and it's totally, totally pointless.
As I leave, that song goes through my head again. WHY am I coming to this course?
I'm just so damn curious!
Next week: How Can We Have Faith?
Well I am fascinated by your experience - so on top of your curiosity you can add gonzo journalism as a motivator.
ReplyDeleteI got as far as I could stand through a book, "Acts of Faith" by Rodney Stark and Roger Finke, and before it became to academically dense for me.... it seemed to be saying that the warm bosom of peer belonging was the strongest motivating factor behind any religious following. Just relax with your new friends and I am sure you could set your worries about truth aside.